Letter to losers

Letter to Losers

In this world, there are winners and there are losers.

You might not like to read that or consider the world in this way. But, that’s the way it is.

From the very beginning, at the moment you were conceived, you won the race to the egg. Well, half of you did. The other half was incubating in your mother’s ovum since her winning, x-chromosome sperm won the race in her mother. Etc.

Honestly, the astronomical odds of you existing, and let’s not get into the topic of the odds of life on Earth and the universe occuring, but just you. The miracle that is you is astounding!

Because you were the fastest sperm, the healthiest egg — congratulations — you are a winner!

Now, life takes a turn (for better or worse) after you get pushed out from between your mother’s legs. You instantly enter into a brand new playing field. From that moment on, you enter into the competition for resources, the fight against disease, the battle for sexual partners, and more.

There’s no better way to put this than to quote the wise words of Donald Trump:

โ€œWhat separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.โ€

— Donald Trump

Wow! Who knew that a man so pompous and ridiculous and hated could produce such profound wisdom.

Kinda makes you stop to think, right?

Well, don’t.

If you think too much and get slowed down by anxieties, depression, and mental illness. You lose.

If you dream too big and don’t take any practical actions to achieve them. You lose.

If you ignore the laws of nature and listen to the madness of radicalized delusions. You lose.

If you stick to your groups and brainwash yourself to be identical to them. You lose.

Do you see what I’m trying to get across to you?

I know that some people hate the word “Loser”.

“You’re such a fucking loser.”

“Get outta here ya loser!”


Stop. Take a moment to catch your breath. Calm your thoughts. And, when you’re ready, look inside yourself to analyze why this word cuts so deep.

Honestly, I’m not trying to trigger you, I’m just trying to start a discussion.

Because… I was a loser.

For example, I used to play competitive soccer during my adolescent years. I was competitive. I wanted to win. I played on elite teams in Ontario and traveled to different cites.

However, every competition, every tournament, every season finals… my team lost.

You see, I was always playing with a team of losers. Why?

Well, we were a ragtag group of egotistic maniacs. We all wanted to score the goals. We all wanted to win big. We all wanted the same thing, however, we wanted to be the ones to obtain the glory.

In the locker rooms, we would be fuming at each other. We would be screaming with hate because Billy didn’t pass when John was open or Devon would always take impulsive shots without having the ability to see a good play or hitting the net. We pointed fingers. We played with hate. We were a resentful group of kids, and, the results came in the same: we’re just a bunch of losers.

Let’s step away from groups. They’re a messy affair. Essential for understanding ourselves. However, not as important as developing ourselves toward our own goals, our own dreams, our own ambitions…

I’ll share another story.

My high school years were horrible.

I was always fighting with my family, getting kicked out of the house, living in the back of my car or a friend’s sofa, and I didn’t have any friends.

I was a complete loser.

I used to hide away in the library. Overwhelmed with social anxieties, unable to find any words to relate with my peers. I had no confidence and, whenever a girl was interested in me, I was too oblivious to see it.

During this time, I was completely depressed.

When I wasn’t in school, I spent a lot of time wandering around in the forest alone. I’d jump on my bike, cycle to my favorite trail, then sit down next to the river and start crying for hours.

I cried because I was overwhelmed with stress. I cried because I felt isolated from the world. I cried because I was living in a home with a family who couldn’t relate with me. I cried because struggled to make friends. I cried because couldn’t talk to girls. I cried because I wanted to kill myself.

Yeah, I wanted to kill myself.

This is the first time I’ve ever openly admitted to this and I’m going to spend a moment writing about it. If this makes you uncomfortable, ask your self why? If you’re currently struggling with thoughts of suicide, please, PLEASE, go talk to a friend. If you’re too ashamed, embarrassed, or prefer anonymity, go here.

I know this is a hard topic. I know this unsettles people. However, I don’t think it should ever be ignored.

It took a long time before my thoughts of suicide faded away.

I had mentors, brilliant teachers, who inspired me with hope. I started counseling when I attended University which helped me open up more, make new friends, and find value and meaning to my existence.

I know this isn’t easy. And, I don’t know exactly what to tell you, except, there’s something worth living for.

I know I started this as a letter to losers. In fact, I started writing this as a letter to myself, something I would want to read when I was younger, struggling with the darkness in my mind.

Yes, life is not easy.

There is competition. There are things that you will be good at while other people are significantly better. There are going to moments where you slip up, make an ass of yourself, completely fail, and more.

However, to go back to Donald Trump’s quote, it really does come down to how you react to the world.

O.K., I admit, using the words “Winners” and “Losers” can be a bit harsh. But, let’s face it, THE WORLD IS HARSH.

Diseases are wiping out millions each year. Environmental forces are causing newborn infants to have unfortunate deformities. War is currently destroying parts of the world which leave behind challenging situations for people to find opportunities to survive and thrive.

So, remember this:

Your life is a miracle. The fact that you are alive today makes you a winner. Yes, we can play soccer games which separate us into winners and the losers. However, its how we react to the world, the thoughts we believe, and the feelings we perceive, that shapes the overall outcome of our possibilites.

I want to wrap up this letter by emphasizing to you: if you are struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please, get help, talk to a close friend, reach out to an anonymous organization.

Do whatever it takes so we don’t lose you.

Thanks for reading, my friend.

Jef van de Graaf
Canadian Copywriter & World Traveler
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