My Story of Being Harassed in China

Getting harassed in China is… common?

Actually, this doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, sometimes you just gotta kick it goodbye.

For those with soft skin and no inner balance, it’ll probably feel like every day in China is harassing.

There are more than a billion people who will stare and point fingers at you. Especially the children, you’re their favorite exhibit at the Human Zoo of China.

Now, those with thick skin won’t be bothered by the endless eyes and poking fingers throughout your day-to-day living.

If you can catch the interest of a cute guy or girl, you just made your experience in China so much better.

However, when I was harassed in China it caught me off guard. Perhaps the way I reacted would have sent me to jail.

How I was harassed in China

If you’re going to be “officially” harassed in China, it will likely come from a local drunkard or pervert with an extreme fetish for foreigners.

In my case, it was a combination of both.

It happened when I was walking down the street, not far from my apartment, to get a chicken burger at my favorite restaurant.

I get cravings for unhealthy foods from time to time and a deep-fried piece of chicken slathered in mayonnaise is the closest taste I can find that resembles food from Canada.

Anyway, I was just a few feet from the restaurant when some drunkard started screaming outside a traditional Chinese-style restaurant on the opposite side of the street.

I say “incoherent” not because I don’t understand any Chinese (which I don’t) but because the man was a drunken mess.

While passing, the drunken Chinese lunatic (trust me, I’m being nice with those words) looked in my direction and began screaming the one Chinese word I am very familiar with: wài guó rén (外国人).

“Wài guó rén!!“

The screaming caught my attention and I made eye contact with the drunken lunatic.

Fuck.

That’s all I could think.

A perverse smile erupted on the drunken Chinese guy’s face as he started walking toward me. As he came near, instead of moving out of the way, he stood directly in my path.

Fuck.

I tried to do a shuffle move around him that would have made any American football coach proud.

However, the drunken Chinese lunatic reached out and half-grabbed, half-groped my arms. He pulled his face close up to my face.

“Wài guó rén!?”

“Wài guó rén!!”

Fuck. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

I tried not to panic but it was more difficult not to vomit with the guy’s toxic breathe blowing in my face.

“Wài guó rén!?”

“Wài guó rén!!”

I started to feel sick from the alcohol on his breath and I throw my hands up in the air.

I gave a firm push to detach myself from the disgusting leech that was now attached to my arm.

“Wài guó rén!?”

“Wài guó rén!!”

The drunken Chinese lunatic went berserk for a few seconds. I got free for a moment but his hands continued to reach out to snatch hold of me again.

Fucking fucker!

It was game time.

I pulled out every move from every football playbook ever written.

I dodged left. Served right. Spun twice. Back flipped. Double cartwheel.

Gone.

Actually, I can’t do backflips.

And I never played American football.

However, I do know soccer and I’m very nimble on my feet.

Before I ran away, and to prevent the creepy alcoholic perv from coming after me, I kicked the asshole in the nuts.

The victory was mine.

Reality of Harassment in China

I wonder if sharing a story like this will make you believe that all Chinese people are drunken lunatics. They aren’t. 

However, you will hear a lot of people whisper and murmur wài guó rén if you go there.

Getting harassed in China is definitely not a common theme. The country is quite safe but, if you really want to make some extra cash, you can sell a kidney on the black market for $10k or more.

And it’s definitely not like Japan where the children stick their fingers up your ass while the school teachers laugh and encourage this behavior (i.e., this is known as the Kancho).

China is special and I recommend that you take a trip there someday.

To put things into perspective though, imagine if an alien appeared in your country, walking around with a different color skin and beautiful crystal eyes ⎯ wouldn’t you point and stare and say things too?

Anyway, the moral of this story (if there is one) is that anyone who tries to grab you in a not-so-pleasurable way offers you a chance to practice your football footwork.

In the worst-case scenario, you may kick the prick in the balls and discover that they’re wearing a jock.

But, who wears a jock 24 hours a day, anyway?