Disclaimer: Before you read this story, I want you to know that the title is 100% clickbait. Yes, I genuinely paid a prostitute in Hanoi. However, my experience might not be as mind-blowing as you may hope it to be.
I paid a prostitute in Hanoi
It was a Friday night in Hanoi.
I just finished my client’s work and it was time to have some fun to kick off the weekend.
To get things started, I met a cute local girl from Badoo. We went for a walk around Hoàn Kiếm Lake then to the night market where they sold plush North Fake jackets and other knock-off name-brand clothes.
We stopped at Circle K for some beers and sat down next to the lake to drink them while still ice cold.
“Girls on Badoo are bad girls, Jef. You be careful.”
“They can’t all be bad. For example, you haven’t stolen anything from me — not yet.”
I got a firm punch to my arm and a big smile. It can be so much fun meeting cute girls in Asia.
Anyway, we talked for another hour before the conversation become boring and revolved around questions like, “what’s your favorite color?”
I decided it was time to go and she returned home after a quick hug and a shy kiss on the cheek.
My next adventure
There was a cafe near my apartment I walked by every day. The architecture was old-school with tropical plants everywhere.
When I walked inside, it turned out to be a restaurant with nothing to serve but food and beers — what a perfect find!
I thought I ordered two beers but they brought me two instead.
Since it was only 20 000 VND per bottle or $2.29 CAD for the two — how could I refuse!
I sat with the restaurant owner and enjoyed my drink. In the back, there was a falcon sitting on a perch. The owner brought me to the back and gave me a glove to hold the falcon in my hand.
Check out Tùng Bản Quán if you want the chance to do the same.
By the time I finished my beers, it was around 11 pm, the perfect time to start exploring the nightlife in Hanoi.
I quickly returned to my apartment to lock away my passport, wallet, and laptop. I kept 300 000 VND, $16.65, my phone, and my wild Jesus hair — time to go party!
Where to find a prostitute in Hanoi
I ordered a grab and when the driver who picked me up asked if I wanted “massage happy ending”. I told him to take me to Beer Corner and wished him better luck selling this service with his next ride.
The ride was over in 11 minutes. I handed over my 23 000 VND ($1.32 CAD) and walked the rest of the way to Tạ Hiện Street, a place notorious for prostitutes in Hanoi.
I didn’t get far before the pimps and drug dealers started stalking me through the streets to hustle their goods.
The pimps would walk by my side and put their phone in my face showing all the sexy (and, hopefully not underage) girls ready to pump and pull and do what you please.
Meanwhile, the drug dealers would whisper a symphony of choices in my ear: you want marijuana, MDMA, DMT, cocaine…
It was both beautiful and disturbing at the same time!
Anyway, let’s skip the foreplay and get straight to the part when I paid a prostitute.
Paying a prostitute in Hanoi
It was 2 am when all the bars closed. I was nearly out of cash and didn’t have enough for another Grab ride home. So, I decided to walk.
I was just a block away from the Old District of Hanoi when a lady on a motorbike rode up beside me.
“Ride? You want ride?”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got feet.”
“Massage? You want massage?”
“Maybe next time sweetheart.”
At this moment, I took a good look at the lady on the motorbike and she was certainly not young. She had her face covered with a mask and I could only see the dark, black pearls of her eyes.
She continued to follow and brought her bike even closer until she was right up against me. She grabbed me by the wrist and began saying asking again for a massage.
“Massage? I give you massage. You like.”
Unlike the pimp-boys back on Tạ Hiện Street, she was subtle. Heck, she was incredibly sweet. And her grip! She was firm.
I wiggled my way out of her ready-to-squeeze-your-shaft hands and continued walking down the street. She gave me a good laugh and I guess she thought I was considering her but playing hard to get.
She pulled up again. We played the same game a second time. A third time. By the fourth time, I just wanted to go home and sleep.
I broke free from her pleasure-producing hands again then dug into my pocket.
“Here, it’s all I got. Leave me alone.”
She grabbed the money eagerly then sat there on the bike to count it. All I had left was 7 000 VND ($0.40 CAD) and her cute little mouth made a cute expression.
At this moment, I felt inspired to turn my discomfort at being harassed by a prostitute into something I could remember forever. Since I already paid, I deserved to get my money’s worth.
I turned on the street while she was putting my money away.
“Hey, give me a kiss, O.K.? I promise to remember you forever.”
She smiled and took off her face mask. I got a good look at her. She was in her late 30s or early 40s — could be more than that, I don’t know, Asians’ age so beautifully). Her angular jaw, creamy cappuccino skin, perfect little lips, plump and perky tits, and sweet seductive eyes made me rethink my decision.
But, I was a broke-ass nomad at the time so I just leaned in and gave her one hell of a kiss on her cheek.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” I laughed and began to walk away.
“Wait! You wait! Come here!”
I turned again and she sat on her bike looking hot as hell. She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes were staring hungrily at me.
“It your turn. I kiss you.”
Unbelievable! I was getting more than I bargained for.
I walked back up to her back and she grabbed my head with both her hands. She pulled me in and just before her lips touched mine, I turned my head to the right.
I had no idea how many eggplants she stuffed in her mouth that day. My instincts saved me from a trip to the doctor, but boy, oh boy, I sure did get what I paid.
She still giggled and had the prettiest smile on her face. “Thank you. Thank you.”
I will definitely remember this beauty for the rest of my days.
This was the first time I ever paid a prostitute in Hanoi — in fact — it was the first time paying a prostitute, ever!
If you’re looking for a similar experience when you’re in Hanoi, go to the Old District. There you can find endless fun and pleasure for cheap, cheap.
Whatever you decide to do — please be safe, wear protection, and go see your doctor immediately if you feel a burning sensation in your pants within the week.