Before you read on, I just want to be completely honest in telling you that the title is 100% clickbait. Now, don’t be discouraged from reading. I genuinely paid a prostitute last night. However, it might not be as mind-blowing as you may expect it to be.
It was Friday night. I had just finished all my client’s work giving me the weekend to have some fun and refocus on my personal projects.
To kick things off, I met a local girl from Badoo. We met at Hoàn Kiếm Lake then walked around the night market where they sold North Fake and other knock-off name brands.
After browsing the stalls, we headed back to the lake, grabbed a couple beers from Circle K, and sat down to chat for a while.
“Girls on Badoo are bad girls, Jef. You be careful.”
“They can’t all be bad. You haven’t stolen anything, yet.”
The girl punched me on the arm and we both laughed.
We talked for an hour before the language barrier made things challenging to go on. I decided it was time to go and she wanted to head home. We said goodbye and that was that.
There was a cafe near my apartment I wanted to check out. It had an old style building with leafy plants inside to give it the appearance of a tropic jungle. When I arrived, it turned out only to be a restaurant. Nothing but food and beers.
I ordered two beer off the menu. Not true. I ordered one beer but they brought me two. It was only 20 000 VND per bottle, that’s $2.29 CAD for the two bottles. Why not?
One of the restaurant owners sat nearby and we chatted for a while. They had a falcon sitting on a perch in the back room and she told me it was their pet. Later in the evening, she passed me a glove and I was able to hold the falcon in my hand. Head over to Tùng Bản Quán if you want to do the same.
By the time I finished my beers, it was around 11 pm, the perfect time to start exploring the nightlife in Hanoi. I returned to my apartment and locked away my passport, wallet, and laptop. Then, with just 300 000 VND, my phone, and my wild Jesus hair, I was ready to go.
I walked for about 5 minutes to get to a main intersection before ordering Grab. When my ride arrived, the driver immediately started asking me if I wanted “massage happy ending”. I laughed and told just to take me to Beer Corner (one of the many bars in the popular area to party in Hanoi).
The ride was over in 11 minutes. I handed over my 23 000 VND ($1.32 CAD) and began to walk up Tạ Hiện Street.
I didn’t get far before the pimps and drug dealers started stalking me up the street trying to hustle their goods. The pimps would follow at my side and put their phone in my face showing all the sexy (hopefully not underage) girls ready to pump and pull and please. The dealers would whisper a symphony of choices in my ear, you want marijuana, MDMA, DMT, cocaine…
Well to paradise people (or hell, it all depends on your perspective and choices).
The rest of the night I’ll write about tomorrow. For now, let’s skip the scenes of debauchery and get to the moment when I paid a prostitute.
It was 2 am when all the bars closed. I was nearly out of cash and didn’t have enough for another Grab ride home. So, I decided to walk.
I was just a block away from the Old District of Hanoi when a lady on a motorbike rode up beside me.
“Ride? You want ride?”
“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got feet.”
“Massage? You want massage?”
“Maybe next time sweetheart.”
At this moment, I took a good look at the lady on the motorbike and she was certainly not young. She had her face covered with a mask and I could only see the dark, black pearls of her eyes.
She continued to follow and brought her bike even closer until she was right up against me. She grabbed me by the wrist and began saying asking again for a massage.
“Massage? I give you massage. You like.”
Unlike the pimp-boys back on Tạ Hiện Street, she was subtle. Heck, she was incredibly sweet. And her grip! She was firm.
I wiggled my way out of her ready-to-squeeze-your-shaft hands and continued walking down the street. She gave me a good laugh and I guess she thought I was considering her but playing hard to get.
She pulled up again. We played the same game a second time. A third time. By the fourth time, I just wanted to go home and sleep.
I broke free from her pleasure producing hands again then dug into my pocket.
“Here, it’s all I got. Leave me alone.”
She grabbed the money eagerly then sat there on the bike to count it. All I had left was 7 000 VND ($0.40 CAD) and her cute little mouth made a cute expression.
At this moment, I felt inspired to turn my discomfort at being harassed by a prostitute into something I could remember forever. Since I already paid, I wanted to claim a piece of action.
I turned on the street while she was putting my money away.
“Hey, you give me a kiss, O.K.? I’ll remember you forever.”
She smiled and took off her face mask. I finally got a good look at her. She was in her late 30s or early 40s (could be more than that, I don’t know). She had a narrow jaw, perfect little lips, and eyes that could consume you whole.
I leaned in, turned my face and she smacked a good one on my cheek.
I laughed and began walking away.
“Wait! You wait! Come here!”
I turned again and she sat on her bike looking hot as hell. She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes were staring hungrily at me.
“It your turn. You kiss me.”
Unbelievable! I was getting more than I bargained for.
I walked back up to her back. Used both my hands to hold on to her tiny little head. I began to pull her in and just when our lips were about to touch, I tilted her head to the right, kissed her soft cheek then planted another on the left. She giggled and had the prettiest smile on her face.
“Thank you. Thank you.”
This was the first time I ever paid a prostitute. Will I do it again? Honestly, I don’t know. It felt good. Really good… *Winky Face*
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